It was a beautiful spring day as I waited for him in his office at the Cathedral. He was late, I was nervous. I was in my 20’s and I sat waiting to tell +Patrick, the Dean, and my priest that I wanted to form a discernment committee to pursue Holy Orders.
When he finally arrived, he was overjoyed with my choice. He told me that the road ahead would not be easy- women’s ordination was still tricky but we would stand together. He believed in my call. There was something about +Patrick Matolengwe that was both gentle fierce and joyful. When he looked at you, it felt like he was looking right down into your soul.
“If you want to bring Jesus to the people, you must know your identity,” He told me. “I require you make a spiritual practice of the daily office at this cathedral. You come from work to Morning Prayer or Evening Prayer. You must know who you are.”
I agreed and attended... at first. We were slogging our way at Morning Prayer through the Old Testament and the Book of Kings. I thought I would be inspired, but Lord have Mercy—one King was worse than the next all that smiting and begetting. I was not inspired. I really had to do this? I skipped one day then two-- surely +Patrick wouldn’t notice. Where were you? Before I could form my excuse, +Patrick looked at me intently. “You must come. If you don’t pray the office, you won’t know who you are. If you don’t know who you are, you cannot bring Jesus to the people.” Again, he looked me in the eye, “You must know who you are to bear the light.”
+Patrick reminded me of John the Baptist-- J the B. There was a clarity in +Patrick about who he was, an intensity that always pointed back to Jesus. As +Patrick went back to South Africa to work with the ones that everyone knows-- Mandela and Tutu, he was the not leading the way. He was not Mandela or Tutu. That didn’t matter to him. He knew who was and what he was called to do. Always.
Imagine, having that kind of clarity and purpose in life. Do we know who we are? This week, we ponder heaven in Advent 3.
I wonder when did we slip into the egregious notion that heaven is only something that comes about in a realm after this life. Heaven is here and now in and through you. God intervenes in the here and NOW. That’s what Jesus and incarnation will reveal quite soon. We say often that every Sunday is a little bit of Easter. If that’s true, maybe it is also true that there’s a Christmas every Sunday too.
But before we claim our stake in heaven, we have some reckoning to do with our identity. To be heaven we must always reckon with darkness. When we heal the darkness of our lives and the world, we not only intervene for future generations, but we also heal our ancestors. It is the truest meaning of wholeness—to know our darkness and be able to not let it take dominion over us anymore. We can’t bear light without first reckoning with the darkness.
We tell our stories of darkness like the stories in the books of Kings who were each worse than the last. We remember where we came from, we say the raw emotional psalms that speak of wrath because frankly, we all have our moments of reckoning with anger and if we don’t, we are not living in wholeness. So often people come to me wanting to share a little secret about the Bible:
“I don’t understand it people tell me. I don’t feel all warm and fuzzy or the least bit inspired.” I want to say congratulations—you’re not reading an Eckhart Tolle book or a part of the Oprah book club.” I know that sounds rather glib, but I wonder what we thought would happen in reading something that is somewhere between 4000-2000 years old, translated from ancient languages that came from our ancestors. I remember something sharing something like this with +Patrick about the Bible and his response being non-plussed: “What did you think you’d get from the Bible?”
Reading scripture is an endeavor that takes a lifetime to develop an understanding, and that understanding only comes about in community. Where we find meaning, where we connect our story and history to the bigger story and history of our ancestors and each other. Scripture is a dialog we hold with God, and all those both before us and those yet to come. Of course, it challenges our sensibilities—reading scripture is like panning for gold—we sift it carefully looking through the rocks and debris to find that true authentic bit that speaks to the Holy Spirit in us—the little bits of Gold and treasure. That is our identity.
To be heaven we reckon first with the darkness. It is the truest meaning of wholeness—to know our darkness and to not let it take dominion over us.
We don’t turn away from the darkness. We tell our dark tales and embrace them. The strange thing about the darkness is if we don’t reckon with it, it will come & haunt us.
When +Patrick went back to South Africa to work on the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, he and his peers did not deny the power of Apartheid or say wouldn’t be great if it didn’t exist or let’s pretend it didn’t. Instead, they reckoned with evil stories of cruelty and brutality. They cried and were angry. They listened, lamented, and stumbled forward. Not perfectly. Far from it.
And here’s the most stunningly spectacular thing: when we reckon with the darkness well, we come to far greater joy. One of the reasons I grieved the loss of +Patrick was the way he held joy in his being. He was so much fun. If you’ve ever seen footage of Archbishop Tutu, he was like that. That kind of ceaseless joy that comes even in darkness and gives thanks for all things. Darkness, it seems is the pathway to joy and heaven and our truest identity: to be bearers of the light as the body of Christ. That’s who we are. That’s why we come here. And keep coming back to re-member again who we are. We forget. We get scared. The world beats us up and tells us lies that distracts us from our joy and purpose. WE are broken and beautiful bearers of light.
As that bread and wine are transformed and then given to you to be heaven on earth here and now, Each and every week, I think to myself what’s Jesus gonna get up to this week in this one or that one... how’s God going to intervene NOW in YOU and what you do and be in the world.
That’s what we believe: God’s love intervenes in you to be joy light and peace today. That’s how heaven is here right now on earth in you and how you bring light into the world and bear Christ. That’s your identity.
I can’t wait to see what Jesus is going to do this week in US. Amen.